The Elephant and the Lion

There was an Elephant. One day the sun came up - What beautiful light! The elephant basked in the light and was happy. But at the end of the day, the sun went down - What terrible darkness! And he elephant searched for light, but did not find it - Searched in the dark, and was unhappy.   …

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Emergencies And Asking For Help

I've been unsure of how to write this one for a while. Today I broke down into a puddle of something I don't like to be. It began with kicking a trash can and ended with becoming paralyzed in bed because if I get up I may or may not bust into my bathroom and …

Art Feels Stupid But Whatever

I've been considerably absent from Change But The Name for a few months. I have none other than me, myself, and bipolar disorder to thank for this. This has resulted in unemployment, insecurity, and a lot of self-care. Anyway, Matt's been asking for me to post something. In response to my mood swings I've taken …

The Monkey And The Anthill

There was a monkey. The monkey came across an anthill. The anthill was home to many ants. The monkey found the ants very interesting.   There were big ants and small ants Boy ants and girl ants Ants who led and ants who followed Selfless ants and selfish ants Ants who lived Ants who died... The anthill was …

CBTN Host John Ward Insults Abe Lincoln (Again) By Painting Him

One has oodles and oodles of time when living at a homeless shelter; this blessing in disguise can be utilized to complete long-term projects like making amateur drawings and paintings of arbitrary historical figures. Having already made an attempt to draw Abe with charcoal, I set myself to the mind-numbing task of creating and cutting …

There Is A World

Genesis? Being and Time? CICADA 3301 plus 1 plus 1 plus 1...?

What Bipolar Auditory And Visual Hallucinations Feel Like

Bipolar hallucinations... Rick James ain't even close with "cocaine is a hell of a drug." And maybe, like my attending physician at Johns Hopkins some years back, you've come across a tab or two of acid or other "psychotropic substance." This ought to give you a pretty good idea of what hallucinating feels like; but the …

I Know More About Mental Illness Than You Do… Says Everyone Ever

I try not to rage too often on here - I just don't believe in it. Nothing good comes out of it; not for you, and certainly not for me. And yet the temptation remains, particularly after a few minutes on social media, to unleash some inverse-abrosial hot sauce of doom on these myriad chumplestilskins …

Maybe The Point Of All This Is To Just Have Fun

CBTN host, CPS, and current homeless shelter resident John Ward unleashes fun in the face of his unfun situation. Warning: May contain adult words.

The Uniquely “Mental Illness” Problem Of Not Being Able To Be Happy (Because Happiness Is Evil)

There is plenty of literature on depression. It ranges from tween tweets to casual blog posts to self-liberated mothers-turned-mentors;  academic articles and drug trials to biopic conspiracies about the “27 club”; accidentally post-modern postmodernist tomes like Infinite Jest to the drug-infused sojourns of truth-seeking psychonauts; spins on each and every theorized root cause from body-image-induced …